Happy Father’s Day.

My father passed away in 1994 and it was the worst time of my life.  He was a great dad and I lost a part of myself when I lost him.  In  1991, I had to have surgery on my neck as a complication of my arthritis.  I was put into a halo for six weeks.  If you don’t know what a halo is, it’s not about angels.  It’s a device that 100% stabilizes your neck, because it is literally bolted into your skull.  Bolted.  It isn’t pretty.  I only went out in public once wearing it.  I saw a man I knew and he started crying when he saw me.  Enough said.

I needed a caregiver while I was in the halo because you really can’t do much for yourself.  Your head is tilted up a little bit and straight ahead.  That’s what you see.  You can’t get into your refrigerator because your halo gets in the way.  It’s only one example, but one of the reasons you shouldn’t stay alone when you have one.  My dad was wavering on retiring, but couldn’t say no to staying with me during the day while Rich worked.  During my five days in the hospital, it didn’t matter how early I woke up, my dad would be sitting, facing my bed dressed and ready for the day.  He tried not to look afraid, it was how he and I always handled things.  Act like it’s not there and then it isn’t so bad.

So we spent those six weeks together and it convinced him that he should retire.  It was the best thing that could have happened, because he was only retired for three years before his death.  He was diagnosed with B cell Lymphoma and only had a 30%  chance of survival at diagnosis.  He lived for five months and spent almost all of them in the hospital because he was so weak.  His cancer was primarily in his bone marrow and he was past the age for a transplant.  He never complained, we never talked about it.  It was how we dealt with things.

I had earned a trip from the bank that took place about a week after his first chemotherapy session.  The doctors said that normally if the chemo patient get any kind of problems, it’s about a week to ten days after chemo.  I immediately contacted my manager and told her I wouldn’t be going on the trip.  Everyone encouraged me to go.  So I took that week off and spent it with my dad in the hospital.  It’s what he would have done for me.  It’s what he did for me.  I never regretted that decision and treasured every moment I had with him.

You will never regret the time you give to the people you love, you will only regret the moments that you don’t.  My dad was terrific and I hope yours if too.  I hope you had the chance to spend time with him today and to wish him a Happy Father’s Day.

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